I was lucky enough to spend the last few days of 2018 relaxing with family and, in the quiet moments, reflecting on 2018. It wasn’t the worst year by any means (I think 2016 still holds that record), but it had its share of challenges, lessons, and frustrations.
Despite the challenges and frustrations, there are so many things I’ve pushed myself to learn and take on in 2018 that just a few years ago I never would have imagined doing. I knit my first pair of socks which quickly turned into five other pairs: one pair for each of my sisters, one as a retirement present for my father, one pair for my hubbs, and one pair for myself.
I completed my first sweater which turned into an addiction and ended the year with six sweaters in total and one partially completed sweater: one custom order for an old friend, one Zweig Sweater for myself, four Weasley Sweaters for my nieces and nephews, and a partially completed No Frills Sweater. I’ve knit countless hats, scarves, and cowls for friends, coworkers, and strangers which has been so humbling.
I was lucky enough to coordinate with Darn Good Yarn on two patterns and will release more soon (once I can get my act together). Through that my little shop has grown and I’ve met wonderful people like Rachel from OnTheRound, spent more time with Marta from Madd Fuzzy, and I hope 2019 will only bring me more opportunities to connect with amazing yarn dyers that are also genuinely good people.
I learned what true friendship is and why it should be celebrated and valued. I learned the importance of stepping back from people that don’t bring out the best in you and surrounding yourself with people that challenge you and want you to grow. 2018 has been a constant struggle after finding myself being pulled down by negativity instead of focusing on things that inspire me and make me want to be better. But 2018 was also a reminder of the person I am and no one can change that.
That’s the sentiment I’d like to bring with me into 2019–focus on the things that challenge you and make you a better version of yourself. I want to be my genuine self with no fear of infringement or imitation and that is what I’m hoping I can do. I’ve always been the person that sticks to my word, but this year I want to own it. I want to have integrity in what I say and do. I want to have more hard conversations about social justice, gender politics, and food sovereignty to grow and broaden my world. Because if 2018 has taught me anything it’s that we need to stand up for our beliefs in whatever way we can.
So, for the first time in my life, I’ll be picking a word of the year for 2019. I’ve been ruminating on this idea for the last few days and I think my word of the year will be integrity. I’m not choosing this word out of the hope I’ll become a symbol of moral uprightness. Instead, I’m hoping to be my whole, undivided self. To hold myself to consistent standards and follow through on my promises. To hold my tongue instead of verbalizing frustrations with others when they’re not around (a challenge that is easier said than done).
It’s not an exciting goal for 2019. I won’t be climbing mountains or swimming across oceans, but I hope this will make me a more whole person in the coming year.